You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
