Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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