Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
