Define "chronic" masturbator.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
