this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sober January is a disaster.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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