so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
