how can u be prego again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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