you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
