We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
