he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
