I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
