The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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