the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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