ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
