i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
