I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
