what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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