why didn't you poke me back
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
