he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
