I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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