so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
