he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
