My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
