I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
