dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
