I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
