I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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