peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
