I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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