Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
