Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
