you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
