I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My life is pants optional.
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