Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
