**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
