I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
