She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In America we eat man semen.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
