somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
