its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
