I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
