I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
