You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
