I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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