The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
