Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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