Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
