apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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