Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
