who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
