doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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