You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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