he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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