i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
