Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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