I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
