I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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