Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
