After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you never un-have a 4some
He shit in the fireplace
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
